Derech Eretz At Beth Jacob Congregation
We are all created “B’Tselem Elohim” (in the image of God). We respect the dignity and worth of everyone who engages with our community regardless of sex, gender, gender identity or expression, sexual orientation, parental or marital status, disability, race, ethnicity, color, national origin, age, class or social background, financial situation, and religious or political belief. We strive to make everyone feel welcome and safe within our environs and at our programs.
Kavod / Respecting Physical Boundaries
As a community, we all respect each other’s personal space. We refrain from touching, hugging, patting, or caressing another person without first obtaining that person’s permission. We are cognizant of encroachment into other’s personal space, knowing that comfort levels can vary based on a variety of factors. For example, standing at arm’s length or farther apart when talking with someone can help create a sense of safety.
Makhloket L’Shem Shamayim / Respectful Discourse
Words have meanings, what we say is powerful. Just as Hillel and Shammai agreed to disagree, we let our personal communications be governed by the principle of “makhloket l’shem shamayim” (debate/dispute for the sake of heaven). We strive to be honest and respectful in our interactions with one another, refraining from turning disagreements into personal attacks. We come to these conversations with good intentions, an understanding that a community consists of multiple points of view and an openness to other’s opinions. We also assume that our conversation partner has good intentions, following the precept from Pirke Avot, dan l’chaf zechut, judge from the side of merit.
Chesed / Treating Others With Kindness
In Bereshit (Genesis) 4:7 God tells Cain, “Your evil inclination is just outside waiting for you, but you can master it.” We strive to treat each other with kindness and respect, avoiding insults, threats, physical or cyber bullying, physical abuse, or actions that suggest intent to harm another person. We avoid jokes or comments that are sexual in nature and speech that is hurtful or intimidates another person. We do not engage in lashon harah: language that disparages and diminishes another. We avoid sharing information that reflects poorly on another person and anything shared in confidence.
As a community we embrace our partnership with our staff and commit to treating staff with respect, grace and understanding. This is demonstrated by approaching staff with the assumption of positive intent when addressing concerns or issues. As a community we accept and acknowledge that our staff are human and that at times the needs of the community may exceed the capacity and bandwidth of our staff. We ask kindly for needs to be met rather than demanding them. Our staff work diligently to meet the needs of the community. We balance our personal and communal needs with providing space for our staff to have healthy work/life boundaries. Staff prioritize being available for lifecycle events and urgent matters such as birth, illness and death, and community members seek their support for non-emergencies during normal business hours.
Tzniut / Modesty
Modesty/tzniut is a matter of personal piety. We generally refrain from comments about another person’s body or clothing other than a simple compliment. Individuals have freedom of expression in choosing what to wear at the synagogue. There is no dress code. However, clothing with writing on it should avoid hate speech or derogatory language. Requirements or customs around ritual garb should be handled with care and sensitivity. For example, reminders or suggestions to wear a kippah or tallit should be phrased as questions and made respectfully, verbally, and without coercion.
L’Dor Vador / Ensuring our Future
Our children are our future. As is cited in Talmud Berakhot “read not banayich (your children) but bonayich (your builders).” Children are given the same respect that we would give to any adult and we know that children are vulnerable: extra intentionality is called for in caring for their well-being. During 1:1 tutoring we take extra precautions to keep children safe, which may include meeting in a room with a window, leaving the door open, and asking parents to remain in the building if no other adults are present. Adults should seek a child’s or their parent’s consent before helping them with personal routines, such as restroom breaks, putting on or taking off coats or other clothing, or taking their hand to escort them in the building. Adults other than parents should seek consent before picking up children, giving them hugs, or making other physical contact. Children are not taken off Beth Jacob Congregation’s grounds without permission from their parents.
Kol Yisrael Arevim Zeh Bazeh / Responsibility for One Another
In Bereshit 4:9 Cain asks God “hashomer akhi anokhi?” (am I my brother’s watcher/keeper?). The answer is YES, of course you are! If you are a victim of, or a witness to behaviors that do harm or threaten harm to yourself or others, it is your responsibility to report them to the Senior Rabbi, Executive Director, the president of the Board of Trustees, a member of the Board of Trustees, or a member of the Personnel Committee. Beth Jacob will investigate the situation. If there is a violation, the person or persons involved may be warned, temporarily or permanently excluded from the Synagogue building, or a recommendation may be made to the Beth Jacob Board that membership be revoked in accordance with our Bylaws.